There is a proverb that I read some years ago that says, “he who conceals his disease cannot expect to be cured”. Disclosing is risky. It takes courage and more. Keep reading as I share some personal examples from my life.
Oftentimes when we think of people not disclosing their vulnerability, pride comes to mind. However, I want to share a different take on it for a moment. What about shame, fear and judgment? All are dis-eases.
As a first-born who happens to be a great listener and someone who appears outwardly to be very strong, I have had moments where I am in need of support. When this happens, I become riddled with anxiety and ruminating thoughts about the what-ifs and inadequacies etc. I’m exposed. Wide open for anything.
At my place of employment we are working on being more intentional about sharing areas of vulnerability. As a teacher, that is difficult to say the least. Why? Well historically, teachers have been the leaders of communities. Teachers have been the bonus parent a student gets away from home. Teachers have been expected and trusted to know their craft and content through and through. Newsflash! Gone are the days where the curriculum is one size-fits all. Gone are the days where all learners comply by sitting in their desk, silent and agreeable to what the teacher lectures on. Today, learning is personalized. Classrooms are student centered. This means there is noise, engagement, movement, digital technology and more with the opportunity to provide all parties exposure to learning how they learn (and teach) best. I’m going somewhere with this. Stay with me.
I had to think back on when all of these shame based dramas within myself started. My first experience I remember is being told I would be paddled for not paying attention to the reading while being more interested in a fly that was buzzing around the third grade classroom. Or was it the time when I was nine and a girl at church called me poor because I wore my favorite pants to revival instead of a dress? Could it have been the time I failed Geometry class in high school and received a letter saying I was on probation and would be transferred to the neighborhood high school if I didn’t pass it a third time? Still there was the time when the college English professor marked my essay in red and said I would never make a good writer let alone master English. There’s more, oh there’s more. You’ll have to invite me for coffee to hear the rest of the story. I may not bear all but you may see and feel the effects of it. How do you manage your shame?The Debbie Downer or Negative Nancy has some bitter roots, they’re not just whining for the sake of it. All the aforementioned are rooted in just the way things were at the time. Thank God for growth mindset.
I didn’t know myself well enough as a child and young adult, to know that I was exploring my world and my place in it. This caused me to not trust some people, stay away from others, and cost me a tremendous amount of mental health. These shameful experiences, traumatic experiences, have stuck with me for many years. The fly… I was being inquisitive. The pants…independent. Geometry…doing my best without support. Passed the class when my aunt, who was a teacher, tutored me. The essay… one of two Black students in class being creative as a writer. Took me ten years post incident to even step foot on a college campus. Sixteen years later, Master’s degree with honors.
As an older teacher whose educational experience was steeped in the former and even some of the earlier years of classroom support in as well, it is a learning curve for me still but I am embracing it. With authentic and supportive work administration, colleagues and innovative higher education courses/experiences, a new teacher or seasoned teacher would soar by leaps and bounds.
If you are still contemplating over shame, trade it for vulnerability. Not the fear based, anxiety laced kind, but the one that requires you to bear your soul, show your wounds, and become who you always knew you were.
I will leave you with 2 Corinthians 12:9 ” And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me”. Put on the mind of Christ and become new (new mindset). Think on whatsoever is lovely and true, think on these things. I am encouraging myself in the Lord right now as I bring this writing to a close.
May God grant you grace and people in your life who will appreciate your openness and support you in becoming the best version of yourself. Let your light shine before men, you never know who is watching you and waiting on you, to give them permission with your courage.
Du courage,
Yvette
